I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
40s are totally the cure
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
