my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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