If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
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