I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
