No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Randomize
