Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
