so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
