You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
My ATM looks so different sober.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Dick very happy bro
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize