hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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