So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
