Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
