Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
