Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
