id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
