I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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