it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
