I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
