And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
