i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Sober January is a disaster.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
