No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
