man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
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