Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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