Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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