it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
