I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
