saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
