It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Randomize
