Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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