Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
