If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
