Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
The air was thick with penises
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize