I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
