ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
