riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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