I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
don't judge my taste in strippers
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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