sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize