so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
