sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
