Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i just made my gag reflex go away.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
