I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
