Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
The air was thick with penises
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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