why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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