I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Randomize
