Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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