It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
