if i can run in heels then i can drive
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
