Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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