I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I think I am morally bankrupt
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
