pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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