You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
