paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
