someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
We left the knife in your bed.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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