my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
