Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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