so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
