he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
