Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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