Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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