The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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