He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Who died my cat blue again?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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