Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
