She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
