am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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