I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
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