Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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