Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
