If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
