i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Drake has all the answers
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
