Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
