i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
