why didn't you poke me back
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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