I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
