Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize