I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
