I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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