Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
