so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
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