i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
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