You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
The feeling are messing with the penis
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
