Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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