Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
