i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
