He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Randomize