The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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