I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
