Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
