i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
My Sexting was not on an AP level
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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