Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
