I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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