you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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