Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
