I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
