You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
