Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
