gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
