I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Randomize
