Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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