Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
