The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
