i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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