walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
