I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
