So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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