At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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