I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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