Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
