how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize