youre lurking in front of me
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
