Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
