the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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