So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
