I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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