I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
