dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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