I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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