she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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