my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
