I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
