I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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