Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
