She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
How drunk are you?
Completed.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
